Changes

There are two changes I have been wanting to make for a long time: I want to work out regularly and stop watching porn. I have tried both numerous times, but inevitably end up reverting back to old habits. However, I’m hoping that making my goals public will help drive me to finally achieving success.

My initial strategy for working out is to take advantage of free group workouts around town, which I’ve never done before but they seem like they could be awesome.

I’ve thought for a long time that my porn-watching habits may have an effect on my sex life, or lack thereof, but I always find a way to re-justify to myself why watching porn isn’t harmful and return to the fap life. I masturbated three times this weekend and felt kind of shitty about it. I spent the first half of today reading and watching videos on how porn affects people, their relationships, and their sex lives. All of that has given me a lot of fuel to hopefully begin a long stretch free of porn, which I hope will allow me to better feel real feelings, lower my impossibly high standards, and take advantage of opportunities I would otherwise pass on.

First blog post – motivation and goals

My first post.

Aside from school assignments, I’ve never written a blog post. I haven’t followed blogs, I haven’t written blogs, and I haven’t given a shit about blogs. If we’re being honest here, blog is a weird word. I don’t like saying it. But here I am, and I’m gonna give it a go.

I had a couple ideas for this first post. The story of my first sexual encounter, the story of my last sexual encounter, and a brief history of my hook-ups came to mind. What I’d really like to do, however, is to lay out my motivation for this blog and describe what I hope to get out of it.

First and foremost, this blog is an outlet. It’s an outlet through which I intend to channel my innermost thoughts, feelings, struggles, ideas, stories, and desires. While I personally feel that I am behind the curve from a sexual experience perspective, I do also believe that there is a significant social stigmatization of virginity that prevents me from talking openly,  about the single most important issue in my life right now. The only other time I’ve been able to talk this openly about my virginity was with a psychologist, which I felt was helpful but can no longer afford. I’m hoping that this blog will allow me to better understand myself, the reasons why I’m still a virgin, and what I need to do to grow as a person.

Secondly, I hope this blog can help people. I’ve found that communities like The Unfortunate Virgin Male and his followers or r/nofap can be incredibly helpful for people who are struggling and looking for ideas, answers, and hope. That exchange of intellectual capital would be super helpful to me as well, since I don’t have a clue what the fuck I’m doing and am always open for advice and constructive criticism. And if no one reads this, I’ll just call it my diary and keep writing.